Why I quit doing Botox: It's not what you think.

I will not shame you into believing Botox is wrong, even though, ultimately, it was wrong for me.

I am not against women using injections; I am against women feeling they need to chase a socially constructed image of beauty that doesn't even exist, with a substance that modifies our faces, in ways we don't completely understand.

But when I quit, I didn't think about any of that.

I couldn't; I was too deep in navigating the relationship with my distorted inner reflection and trying to find a way out of the hallway of smoke and mirrors that is modern-day beauty...

Initially, Botox Cosmetic gave me a smooth, tight look-- conveniently erasing my stressful expressions and doing the heavy lifting I believed topical skincare couldn't.

A few years in, Botox either made my eyebrows so high that I looked perpetually surprised, or so low that they pushed the skin around my eyelids down.

What causes these differing effects?

It's all about where it's injected, and even a millimeter too high or low will you give you these results.

It started when I wanted injections to freeze my forehead wrinkles so I looked less stressed.

Then the muscles around my eyes contracted instead.

Then, I injected the muscles around my eyes too, which caused the muscles in my upper cheeks to contract and squeeze the skin under my eyes, causing more wrinkles.

I was then advised to inject dermal fillers under my eyes or have a blepharoplasty (eyelid surgery) to fix the distortion that was beginning to occur.

Using Botox became a vicious spiral, not a strategy for looking or feeling beautiful.

I was perpetually dissatisfied with my appearance during what should have been the peak of my physical beauty, not to mention I was still REALLY STRESSED.

So, what did I do? I consulted a surgeon.

{ WTF is Botox anyway?

Botox Cosmetic®  is one of many Botulinum Type A Neurotoxins on the market.

According to Medical News Today, Hannah Nichols writes:

"Botox is a drug made from a neurotoxin produced by the bacterium Clostridium botulinum called botulinum toxin. It is used medically to treat certain muscular conditions and cosmetically remove wrinkles by temporarily paralyzing muscles."

"For muscles to contract, nerves release a chemical messenger, acetylcholine (a neurotransmitter), at the junction where the nerve endings meet muscle cells. The acetylcholine attaches to receptors on the muscle cells and causes the muscle cells to contract or shorten. Injected botulinum toxin prevents the release of acetylcholine, preventing contraction of the muscle cells."

Botox acts as a microscopic dam, blocking the pathway between your nerves and muscles before the command 'contract muscles' reaches its final destination.

It's temporary paralysis, which comes with a black box warning.

If that weren't enough, it also blocks all cellular cross-talk and streaming information between muscles, brain, eyes, and heart, creating a lack of energy and flow.}

I waited in the cold, sterile doctor's office with the door closed, and an audibly ticking clock reminding me of the years slowly passing.

The door clicked open, and the female plastic surgeon walked in the door.

Silently, I begged her to tell me nothing was wrong and that I did not need to cut my eyes.

Instead, in what felt like slow motion, I heard the words that would change everything.

"Yes, you are a candidate for eyelid surgery."

I took the proposal for seven thousand dollars from her hands and mumbled, "I will let you know soon," as I walked out of the office and into the bright light of reality.

I sat stunned in my car, and at that moment, I knew I was at a crossroads.

Was I going to keep chasing beauty and value with needles and knives, or would I  break free?

Somehow it landed.

It wasn't my age that was taking a toll on my face.

It was the years I had spent having my brows artificially depressed by Botox that had made my eyelids appear saggy.

As I drove off, looking out over the beautiful Sonoma county countryside, I told myself: "never again.", and felt a shiver of delight as I set out to reset and reclaim the relationship with my reflection and radiance.

I decided to scrap the injections and develop a superconscious and sustainable solution.

Though the face in the mirror still wasn't what I wanted to see, I clearly heard a voice say, "keep going."

That began a 10-year journey to where we are now.

I was already an award-winning beauty expert, and now I began a deep dive into new biology, quantum mechanics, new thought spirituality, and energy medicine.

Recreating the rituals I practiced as a teenager with inspiration from books like Creative Visualization, The Secret Life of Plants and Autobiography of a Yogi.

I discovered that using energy illumination, skin intelligence, and self-image inside a weekly self-pleasure ritual is the most effective way to reclaim, rejuvenate and restore your radiance in a way that adds richness to every area of your life.

AND IT WORKED! My eyelids are no longer the tiniest bit saggy, but more than that, I reversed my Downward Beauty Value Spiral, and began to truly see the real me.

Instead of being in perpetual decay, I began to appreciate in value.

Instead of feeling invisible, I became visible to myself.

Instead of trying to stop time, I stopped counting.

Instead of blocking my flow, I activated my glow.

If you're reading this and are actively looking for a way to feel better in the mirror, I can tell you it's not Botox Cosmetic.

It's you.

You are the remedy.

You are the missing ingredient.

If you need support, I'm only a message away, with no judgment, to help you explore what else is possible for you and your skin.

It might be a different fix than the quick fix you are used to, but I promise the results are worth it.